Crucifixation







"I will not be your cross! It is not in me to bear your burden any longer. Go find another to crucify yourself upon!"
With these harsh words, Angela walked out of his door and out of his life. Ezekial glared at the door, then wheeled over to the window. He looked out in time to see Angela hail a cab and get in. As the cab drove off, he opened the window and yelled, "How could you do this to me?!? You'll be back! This is no different than the last time!"
They had always had a tumultuous relationship, even before The Accident. But things always worked out. Angela would stomp off, swearing that this time things were finally over. In a few hours she would always come back, ready to talk things out. (…find another…) Ezekial stared out of the window for a minute, then caught his reflection in the glass. It was as if a dead man looked back at him, eyes smudged shadows, skin like parchment in the snow distorted pane. He shook his head and went back into the living room. After levering himself onto the couch, he looked around at the apartment, their apartment. Her book lay on the floor where she had thrown it, just out of his reach. The book that had started the argument.

It was a small paperback on Eastern religions, with a picture of a small brass statue of Kali gracing the front cover. He had come in from his shower, noticed the book and its cover, and had asked her if she would consider attending the evening mass with him at his church instead of reading 'that pagan trash.' She had flung the book down and told him that he might as well stop asking because she would never set foot in a church again in her life. (…crucify yourself…) From there the argument escalated.

Angela was the daughter of a small town Baptist minister who had firmly believed that the fear of God was meant to be just that….fear. He had punished Angela for the smallest infraction, from anything to forgetting to close the front door to misquoting a Bible verse. The worst beating had come when he found a love letter in 16 year old Angela's room. That time he beat her into unconsciousness, quoting scripture about lust and chastity with each slap of the belt. When Angela turned 18, she packed up and moved out the same day, never to return. Because of this upbringing, she became a staunch atheist for several years.

During this time she met Ezekial through a mutual friends party. He was a lapsed Catholic, which Angela deemed safe enough. (…find another…) They soon moved in together, and were living the ultimate yuppie lifestyle. This all ended when the accident happened. Ezekial had been walking home from the store with a bottle of wine when a drunk in a Cadillac careened around the corner and flattened him to the sidewalk. He woke three months later to Angela's tear stained face. The doctors later informed him that while they had managed to save most of his body, they hadn't gotten to his legs in time. Ezekial was now confined to a wheelchair, a situation that he didn't take very well. (…crucify yourself…)

Soon after he got out of the hospital, their friends began to slowly drift away. He knew what was happening, and resented the few that tried to put a good face on by 'visiting their poor crippled friend.' Eventually they left too, without so much as a goodbye or an explanation. Ezekial knew why though. One dark night he even admitted to himself that if he'd been on the other side of the coin, he would have done the same thing for the same reasons. He was no longer fun. (…find another…) He couldn't go to any of the swanky restaurants due to lack of wheelchair access or room at the tables, he couldn't double at tennis, or attend any premieres. He constantly expected Angela to leave him, especially when they had to move to a groundfloor apartment in a different part of town because their old apartment didn't have an elevator big enough to accommodate Ezekial's wheelchair. But she stayed with him and put up with his mood swings.

When he realized that medical science couldn't offer him a solution, he fell back into the Catholicism of his youth with an enthusiasm that bordered on obsession. (…crucify yourself…) He continually asked Angela to come to confession and mass with him, and he had almost worn her down when a friend named Mark intervened. He handed her a book on Paganism, and suggested that she read the section on coping with grief. She devoured the entire book in the space of three days, and thereafter read every book on world religions that she could find. Soon the arguments started. Ezekial would invite her to mass, she would refuse and ask him why he even bothered. The last argument had started much the same way.

Ezekial sighed and looked at the clock. Two hours had passed since Angela walked out. (…find another…) He looked over at the phone, then shook his head, deciding to give her another hour before he tracked her down. Not that he didn't know where she was. She always went over to Marks when they argued. He might have suspected that they were having an affair if Angela hadn't squelched that thought right out of the gate.
She would sit on his lap and tickle him, saying "I love YOU silly, not your legs and not your dick!" Here she would always pause playfully and then continue, "Well, maybe I do love that!"
The pain of the argument washed over Ezekial again. Why did she have to say such hurtful things? (…crucify yourself…) He had confessed to her earlier that evening that he felt if he did enough penance, God would let him walk again. She laughed at him at first, then grew quiet when she realized that he was serious. She wouldn't speak to him until he had asked if she would come to church with him. (…find another…) They had gone through the usual back and forth, when she started yelling.
"Why do you insist on this stupid charade?" she screamed, "You will NEVER get your legs back. It doesn't matter how much praying you do! God didn't take your legs away from you, a fucking drunk asshole with a fucking car did! NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT!" Then she had spat out those final hateful words and walked out. (…crucify yourself…)

He got back into his chair and wheeled nervously around the apartment. Why didn't she understand? He looked out of the window, half expecting to see her walking up the path. (…find another…) Finally he sighed and picked up the phone. After three rings he heard Mark pick up, heard Angela's voice in the background hissing, "If its him I'm not here!" (…crucify yourself)
"Hello? Mark speaking."
"Hey Mark. It's Ezekial, umm, have you seen Angela?"
"No…why?"
LIAR!!! Ezekial screamed on this inside, but he managed to keep his voice calm.(…find another…)
"We had an argument earlier and she ran out. I was hoping she had come by you."
"Nope, haven't seen her."
"Oh." (…go crucify yourself…) Ezekial wheeled his chair in a nervous circle. Suddenly, he knew what he should do, the one thing that would prove to Angela that his devotion wasn't misplaced. Barely able to keep the excitement out of his voice, he asked Mark, "Can you do me a favor?"
"What?" Mark sounded wary, as if he knew what was coming.
"Could you pick me up and take me to the church?"
Mark sighed. "Sure, I'll be there in 20 minutes." (…find another…)
"Thanks, man, I owe you." Ezekial hung up, then began to roam around the apartment gathering things and putting them in his backpack, Angela's words a rising cacophony in his mind. (…go crucify yourself……find another……go crucify yourself……find another…)

When Mark arrived, Ezekial was waiting for him on the sidewalk next to the road. After stowing both man and chair in the car, he silently drove the fastest route he knew of to the church. When they reached St. Joe's, he got Ezekial's chair out of the trunk and helped him into it. As Ezekial was wheeling up the sidewalk, Mark leaned his head out of the car window and yelled, "Hey! I've got a few errands to run. Do you want me to swing by and pick you up on the way back?"
"No, that's ok. I've got a ride." Ezekial waved dismissively at Mark and wheeled himself around the corner to the handicap entrance at the side of the church.

Mark decided to drive by the church anyway, just to make sure that Ezekial would be O.K. He tried to turn the corner onto the street that the church was on, but his way was blocked by police cars. He parked illegally in someone's drive and ran to the front of the church, where all of the confusion seemed to be centered. When he finally saw what was causing the disturbance, he fainted. Upon reviving, he begged a cellphone off a businessman that seemed to be going into shock, and called his place. When Angela picked up, he didn't even let her speak. He just said, "St. Joe's. Now. Go. Ezekial. My god!" in a strangled voice.

Angela grabbed the keys to Marks roommates' car and took off. She broke several traffic laws to get there. After parking Mark's car in, she ran around to the front of the church. Mark tried to stop her, but she struggled past him and saw for herself what had happened.

On the front lawn of St. Joseph's of the Trifold Blessing were three 12-foot wooden crosses, and six statues of angels. The flashing lights from the police cars made the angels appear to be leering and frowning at the scene they surrounded. At the bottom of the center cross, a wheelchair lay overturned in the snow in a pool of slowly freezing blood. The blood was trickling down the cross in even drips. Angela fixated the stream of blood, almost unable to look at Ezekial's still form. She steeled herself to look higher, and when she saw the paper affixed to the wood above the circlet of thorns on Ezekial's head, she fainted.
The wind shifted and Mark, cradling Angela in his arms, read what was inscribed on the paper.


I have found my cross.

Mark screams mingled with Angelas sobs to spiral off the implacable face of the church and on into the uncaring night.


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